Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
