it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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