I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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