How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
