dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
