how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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