so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Randomize
