it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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