I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
