i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
