i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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