big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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