There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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