This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
