So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
