Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
