we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
