im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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