Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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