Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
