Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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