This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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