my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
