WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
