matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
