my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
