it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
