I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
