i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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