if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
