i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
