well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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