thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
