I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
