I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
