im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
