What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
