fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
