i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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