Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Two words: blizzard sex
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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