Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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