I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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