you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
