Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
