I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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