But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
