I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
