I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
