for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
