I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
