There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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