i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How drunk are you?
Completed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
