I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
