The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
