im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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