my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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