I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
