ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
