You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
