i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
