Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This is my gift to your gina
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
