someone get that fucking seahorse.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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