bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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