oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
