Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
