its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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