If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
