apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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